Gina M. Lacayo
- Sharing life one story at a time -
100 random Thoughts Hi there 👋🏽 Today, I'm committing to a 100 days project. Why am I doing this? Because I want to get better at acting on my dreams & ideas. The problem? I am so afraid of committing to something & exposing myself to failure that I just let my projects die before they can materialize. With this project, I attempt to recover my spontaneity by facing my fears of failure, connection, commitment, and responsibility. I've adopted a new mindset that helps me step out of my comfort zone: Resist nothing -> allow all -> act on my fears -> move on. So here I am, selfie, handwrite and all, as raw as can be on an Instagram post, compromising to #the100dayproject with my #100RandomThoughts. ⠀
Day 10: "Balance, that's what I need"
Balance: To bring into harmony or proportion.
I am so privileged, I noticed, enjoying a sunny winter day in bed. For the first time, I ain't pushing myself to get out and "take advantage" of the warm day. I close my eyes and see the woman I want to be.
I get so excited to see her that I blink to check if reality had caught up with my dreams.⠀⠀
Not yet, but it's in the process. I see it in the wall decor, in the journals stashed around the house, in the styles of my clothes and designs. My worlds are balanced. I am as invested and active in my dreamy state as I am in my present reality. Have you found balance in your life? How do you balance different aspects of your life? ⠀⠀
Day 09: "Stop overthinking, it is an addiction that clogs your mind"
Overthink: To put too much time into thinking about or analyzing (something) in a way
that is more harmful than helpful.⠀
I have so much space in my mind now. I know how to stop my self from overthinking by closing mind tabs when they are crowding my mental space. I know to use my mind as a tool, and not as the controller of my life. But, a few months ago, my mind was full of noise. I still don't know how I stayed sane in such a place. In my world, a crowded, busy mind was equivalent to a smart, productive person.
I was addicted to overthinking, daydreaming, worrying, watching mental movies of the past, and creating scenarios for things that might never happen. Finally, I recognized that I was overthinking to avoid the uncomfortable reality of facing my fears. But since I am focused on progress, I sought advice and learned tools to help me step in and out of my mind at will. Do you have space in your mind to rest and relax? Or is it full and overloaded?⠀
Day 08: "Indulge in the versatility if the many yous"
Versatility: Variable or changeable, as in feeling, purpose, or policy.
I know that I am more than Gina, a Visual Designer, mother of two. I know that somedays I am the lazy girl who procrastinates all day, and others I am a light bolt working since 4 am. I know that I am an introvert when it makes me well, and sometimes I am a social butterfly.
The problem? I’ve only employed very few of those Ginas. Mainly the lazy introvert mom. ⠀
So, I figured that I should be more of my Ginas. I realized that life is better when I acknowledge the many versions of me and choose to indulge in any of them. Do you indulge in the many yous? Do you appreciate the variety of yourself?
Day 07: "Evolution doesn't wait. It might be slow but it never stops."
Evolution: The process by which new species or populations of living things develop from preexisting forms through successive generations.⠀
I used to say that I was a professional designer (not passionate) and a passionate writer (not professional). I used to believe that I was a shy introvert and that I hated routines. And suddenly, I am a passionate woman, a dedicated professional, and a spontaneous introvert committed to a daily routine. ⠀ ⠀
What happened? Evolution happened! It didn't ask my permission. It just passed by. Evolution is happening, it never stops, and it doesn't wait. Now that I am aware of this, I take advantage of the natural process and allow my self to just go with its flow ✨.
Day 06: "Body dysmorphia: Brain deformation created by our culture; fueled by the crap collected in a society that values the shape of the body and not the size of the heart."
Society: An enduring and cooperating social group whose members have developed organized patterns of relationships through interaction with one another.⠀⠀
I was looking through 1️⃣0️⃣ years worth of pictures of my partner. Even though the years changed, he was looking handsome on every image. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain on my stomach. Right then, I realized how much I bothered him during those ten years, telling him that he was out of shape or that his clothes didn't fit well. ⠀
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I am sure receiving those comments from your wife is painful. I attacked the person I love the most just because my mind is full of crap I learned from a society that values the shape of the body and not the size of the heart. Fortunately, I've managed to empty and refill my mind with new ideas of beauty and health. ⠀
Day 05: "Go into the quest to understand yourself "
Quest: An act or instance of seeking.⠀⠀
We are complicated beings. There's a world inside us. We don't have enough time to venture around it in one life. Do you venture into your self? How do you find your way around?⠀
Day 04: "The internal battle is real!"
Battle: To contend with full strength, vigor, skill, or resources.
The internal battle is real, I am leaving it as I type this. Willingness vs. fear. The dreams vs. the skills. Readiness vs. resources.
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- Get me out! ⠀
- Wait, be patient, your time will come. ⠀
- But I am ready, I can feel it. ⠀
- Ok, so be ready.⠀
- You are right, I will be. ⠀⠀
I keep struggling until I reconcile my internal battles. The other side of the battle is reconciliation, they aren't separate events; they are the same thing on the opposing side of its spectrum. That's all. Any struggle will end in reconciliation at some point, there is no one without the other.⠀⠀
I've learned to navigate the spectrum, avoiding staying on the sides for too long. I aim to have the necessary conversations and get into the uncomfortable arguments, so I can fight and reconcile. ⠀
Day 03: "Life is like an infinite thread full of new knots to untangle."
Knot: A tight constriction or the sense of constriction⠀
Every time I visit my therapist, who is also my spiritual guide, shaman, and phycologist, we work on a new problem. I lay out the issue, and we analyze it. After long talks, mandalas, visualizations, and meditations, I leave his place with the necessary tools to solve my problem and release it 💫.
Then, I go back to solve a new one. ⠀
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That's how I tackle my life, which is full of issues to solve. Life and problems are like the knots on a thread. I don't know why or how they formed; it's a mystery.
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What I do know is that they can be untangled, and I can be sure the thread will be tangled again. In the process, I grow patient and learn tricks to loosen the knots. That cycle has turned into excitement, I look forward to the challenges every knot brings.⠀
Day 02: "I can only control what I can control. The rest is the rest, I most let it go"
Control: To hold in check; curb⠀⠀
When I decided to take this challenge, the first thing that came to my mind was: What if nobody likes it? What if my thoughts aren't right? What if what I have to say does not resonates with others? I got so anxious that I got paralyzed. The idea of taking this challenge has been seating on my mind since Feb 4th.⠀
Recently, I was forced to accept that I can't control what I can't control. I also realized that I am powerless in the face of that. As a bi-product of admitting my powerlessness, I learned to look for the things I can control, and focus on them.
So that's what I did with this challenge. I can't control what people will think. I can't control how they will feel about my random thoughts, but I can control what I am going to write ✍🏽 and how it is going to look. I can control the style and choose the layout and the fonts. I decide when to post and how. Actually, I can control much more than what I can't. So yeah, that's what I did, focused on what I can control and let go of the rest. ⠀
What's blocking you? If it’s out of your control, admit it is and let it go.⠀
Day 01: "This new me notices all that she does, and I love it."
Notice: To perceive; become aware of.⠀⠀⠀
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I am starting to notice what I do, say, think, and not do (good & bad). I am beginning to catch the moment when I am going to be mean with myself and actively shift my internal dialogue.
I am seeing how I bring myself back to the present when I start to wonder about the future: breath in, breathe out, stay here, come back. I am noticing options around me. I am noticing how I am growing uncomfortable, so I can evolve.
Last month I saw that a plant I bought had a broken stem. For the first time (ever), instead of mutilating it, I cared for it with patience. I attached a tiny toothpick to its stem to provide support while it grows stronger. I am doing all of that!! I might have done it before, but now I am noticing it, and I love it ❤️.⠀
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Do you notice yourself? Do you pay attention to what goes on inside and out? It is empowering, give it a try! ⠀